Writing on the Windows (or: Pimp My Combi)

If you leave Botswana, and haven't taken a ride in a combi, you are missing out. These 16-passenger vans (sometimes they hold more than 16) are true tributes to Bastwana ingenuity. For example: How does the van driver close the sliding door when his first passenger climbs in the back seat and leaves the door ajar? Answer: The door is attached to a string on a ceiling-anchored pulley system, and the driver can pull the door shut as he starts to move out into traffic. No time lost there.

Of course, combis stop just about anywhere there is a passenger ready to get on or off, and not just at designated stops, so they actually do take their sweet time getting where you want to go. And sometimes they don't actually follow their designated route, or the driver doesn't listen when you mention where you're going when you get on, so you end up on the outskirts of Gaborone, an hour late for a lunch meeting and surrounded by cows.

But frustrations aside, what I like most about combis are the random, completely pointless sayings that drivers paste on their windows. In other countries I've lived or traveled in, the window is often reserved for a religious saying. I've seen "Mashallah" (May God protect) in Turkey, "Bismillah" (In the name of God), or Allahu Akbar (God is great) in Morocco, and in Ghana, God-decorated tro-tro vans are plentiful--my favorite one said Dr. Jesus. But in Botswana, I don't think it matters what you say on your windows, as long as it comes in funky and colorful bold letters. Here are some of my favorite examples...and commentary.

Big Fred
--why do I suddenly have a yen for cinnamon-flavored gum?

Pashasha
(3 Missed Calls)
--Pashasha must be a popular guy

City Lady
--the combi equivalent of naming your boat for a lost love?

Survival of the Fittest
--look out for this guy's driving skills

Juice
--100%, with tropical fruit, and it's sooooo good here!

The Undertaker
--not fitting when you are transporting 16 people and the HIV rates are 17%, my friend

Frisco
--California Dreamin', on such a winter's day

Up the Reds (The Money Machine/One Million Cash)
--With that hot tip, I'm betting on Cincinnati next time

Nagga
--not sure this one would fly as politically correct in the U.S., even if it is spelled incorrectly

Chico Boyz
--in da hood.

Hot Mesh
--yes, you are. And you have a lisp.

Spice
--if this said "Spicecake", it would be my favorite--Lauren Brown, Michael Bennett and Aaron Grant, you know what I mean.

Are News
--Batswana can never get their grammar correct. It should be "is news" (like, "this is news to me") or even "am news"--I am news!--but not "are news". C'mon guys, the verb "to be"...get it right

And a random parking lot sign:

Paraplegic Parking Only
--What if you're quadriplegic...or only handicapped?