They don't speak English here...Türkçe biliyor musun? Döner var mı?

I was once told that these days, everyone in Germany speaks English. If you are lost, no problem--anyone can give you good directions. This is not true. In rural Germany, there are quite large pockets of people that speak no English whatsoever. I suppose this doesn't surprise me when I really think about it--people that have never left their little Baden-Wurttemburg home on the edge of the Bodensee really don't have any reason to know English--the tourists they cater to (if any) all speak Italian or German or French. Americans and Brits simply don't come here.

This is slightly problematic when you are trying to buy a train ticket without a Deutsche phrase book in hand, or need to know where the public telephone is so you can call your friend who is some place in this small town, but you have no idea where. Luckily, nice bank tellers let you use their phone to place international calls, and the tourist information center you eventually stumble upon points you in the direction of internet access. You survive. But if you were ever to be really truly stuck in this part of Germany, and could not find a soul speaking English, you should hope that you know Turkish. One day, two small towns, four people that speak Turkish. Almost guaranteed to find Turkish speakers if you walk into a kebab shop. Ne güzel bir şey!

Not only will speaking Turkish win you huge brownie points with the kebabçılar (they will put on as much cacik sauce as you want! You will drool over your döner as you walk around town!); it will also earn you free beer at the train station when Turkish guys assist you with your massive amounts of luggage and you say a nice "teşekkürler" in return. That's right, şerefe to free beer. At 10:30 am on a Friday. Even during Ramadan. Now if only I could find a Turk the next time I need to know where the public telephone is...